Oscar weekend is upon us, which – let’s face it – is the true end of the previous year’s movie season. And while the Haiku Review has given you its best and worst films of 2011 already, this haikuist would like to introduce a new year-end feature: the Blacklist.

The Blacklist is, essentially, the top five films of the year that the Haiku Review just wouldn’t watch. A lot of terrible films have been waded through to bring you the syllables you have come to know and love (or be relatively indifferent about and yet feel strangely compelled to return to). But there are some things – some terrible, awful things – the mere thought of which makes this haikuist run for the hills.

So behold! The Haiku Review’s first ever Blacklist:


1. Jack and Jill

What’s worse than Sandler?
Two of him, and one of him
is in drag. [eye gouge]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810913/




2. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part I

Bella Swan: the worst
female “role model” ever.
Where’s Hermione?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1324999/




3. Something Borrowed

Ugh. Hudson again?
Would that borrowed thing be a
cliché-ridden plot?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0491152/




4. I Don’t Know How She Does It

I bet she does it
by milking that Sex and the
City image dry.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1742650/




5. New Year’s Eve

Can’t this be one of
those holiday films where they
all get massacred?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1598822/




Now the Haiku Review wants to know: what films did you refuse to watch this year?




c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag