By Daniel J. Hoag

As the holidays are drawing to a close and 2012 is upon us (the year, not that awful John Cusack movie), it’s time for the Haiku Review to start naming the best and worst movies of 2011. Let’s start with those films that deserve to be thrown out with all the torn-up wrapping paper and unappetizing fruitcakes.


The Haiku Review’s Worst Movies of 2011

#1 – Just Go With It

Every year I think that Adam Sandler couldn’t possibly make a worse movie than whatever his last one was. And every year he surprises me with increasing awfulness. This abomination involved unnecessary lying, an impossible suspension of disbelief, and the foul aftertaste of misogyny. Aviod like the plague.

Once again, Sandler
out-craps himself. Who’s paying
to see his sh*t still?





#2 – Drive Angry

Pointing out how terrible Nicolas Cage movies are is, well, pointless. Whether it’s his well-documented financial problems or a complete inability to differentiate between high quality and low brow, Cage just doesn’t seem to be able to say no to anything these days. Choosing between calling out this (literally) Hellish not-without-my-grandbaby action flick and the much-maligned Season of the Witch was tough; maybe the in-your-face 3D ad campaign pushed this one over the edge.

Cage, Cage, go away.
Pay your bills some other way.
(No, seriously.)





#3 – The Change-Up

Jason Bateman is another actor who seems to take whatever script comes his way, which is unfortunate, since the Arrested Development star is far more talented than Nic Cage. But he probably doesn’t have as many offers to choose from as say, Ryan Reynolds, who managed to turn people off in both The Green Lantern and this, the umpteenth body-switching movie that offered up nothing but crass humor and tired tropes.

Each time a body
switching movie is greenlit,
a cute puppy dies.





#4 – Apollo 18

“Found footage” movies can be exciting: I still love the original Blair Witch Project, and the first Paranormal Activity movie had some scares. Even Cloverfield brought something interesting to the table. But let’s face it, these gimmicky movies should be few and far between–and far more intelligent than this brain-dead space horror flick, which couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to take place in zero gravity.

In space, no one can
hear you scream out in boredom.
Burn on reentry.





#5 – Hall Pass

I’ve never been a fan of the Farrelly Brothers films. They offer nothing more than crass, offensive humor for the lowest common denominator. This sad, unfunny movie about married women who give their husbands a “pass” to have sex with other people did nothing to change my mind.

This hall monitor
wants to tear this Pass up and
give it detention.


So now The Haiku Review wants to hear from you. What were your least-favorite movies of 2011?




c2011

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