Along with death and taxes, another certainty in life seems to be that as Halloween draws near, there will be at least one horror film franchise that spawns its umpteenth sequel. This season, it’s the Resident Evil brand that returns from the grave (see also: the upcoming Paranormal Activity 4) with the fifth installment in the mutant zombie apocalypse series. So it seems only natural that The Haiku Review should take look back at the videogame-inspired films and mutate a few syllables into something that resembles criticsm.

Resident Evil (2002)

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy & Colin Salmon
Written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

A group of elite military operatives must fight their way out of an underground complex where a viral outbreak has mutated most of the inhabitants into flesh-eating monsters.

Mutants, zombies and
evil software children all
make for brainless fun.

Grade: B+

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Oded Fehr & Mike Epps
Written by Paul W.S. Anderson
Directed by Alexander Witt

A group of survivors must make their way out of Raccoon City – which has been overrun by zombies and mutated monsters – before the area is destroyed with a nuclear missle.

Apparently the
T-virus also attacks
acting skill and plot.

Grade: D

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Oded Fehr, Ali Larter & Mike Epps
Written by Paul W.S. Anderson
Directed by Russell Mulcahy

Survivors of the Raccoon City disaster set out across the Nevada desert looking for refuge from the zombies and mutated monsters that endanger them.

Zombie birds peck eyes
out despite this one being
much more watchable.

Grade: B-

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Kim Coates, Boris Kodjoe & Wentworth Miller
Written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

While on the run from the Umbrella Corporation – as well as zombies and mutated monsters – super-soldier Alice tries to lead a band of survivors to a safe haven known as Arcadia.

Craptastic movies
should remember to include
some of the “-tastic.”

Grade: D+

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Michelle Rodriguez, Bingbing Li, Boris Kodjoe, Kevin Durand & Oded Fehr
Written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

After being captured by the Umbrella Corporation, super-soldier Alice and a resistance team must fight zombies, mutated monsters, and security forces in order to make their way out of a giant underground experimental facility.

Look, if you’ve watched this
many of them, you’re getting
something out of it…

Grade: C+

So now the Haiku Review wants to know what you thought of the Resident Evil movies. Feel free to share your comments or leave your own haiku below.

By Daniel J. Hoag
Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction and Resident Evil: Afterlife are available on Blu-ray and DVD.
Resident Evil: Retribution is now playing in theaters nationwide.

Resident Evil:
Resident Evil: Apocalypse:
Resident Evil: Extinction:
Resident Evil: Afterlife:
Resident Evil: Retribution: