Tag Archive: Cars

Starring: Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell, Bradley Cooper, Tom Arnold, Kristin Chenoweth & Beau Bridges
Written by Dax Shepard
Directed by David Palmer & Dax Shepard

When a man leaves witness protection to drive his girlfriend to Los Angeles for a new job, they find themselves pursued by both vengeful criminals and a jealous ex-boyfriend.

Kristen Bell revs up
a car chase-y rom com that
hits a few p(l)ot holes.

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Hit & Run opens in theaters 8/22/12.
TCFF 12-08

Starring: Evan Glodell, Jessie Wiseman, Tyler Dawson & Rebekah Brandes
Written and directed by Evan Glodell

Two best friends who spend all of their free time building Mad Max-inspired flamethrowers and muscle cars in preparation for a global apocalypse have thier lives turned upside down when one of them falls for an unfaithful woman.

When it catches fire,
this thriller explodes into
a solid mindf@#&.

Grade: B

By Daniel J. Hoag
Bellflower is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.

(Blu) Haiku Review: Fast Five (2011)

Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges & Dwayne Johnson
Written by Chris Morgan
Directed by Justin Lin

Fugitives Dom Toretto and Brian O’Conner make their way to Rio de Janeiro for one last heist and find themselves tangled up with a ruthless drug kingpin and pursued by a relentless U.S. strike force.

The Rock fuels this
stalled franchise, the sole reason
Vin Diesel still works.

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Fast Five is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.

Haiku Review: Drive (2011)

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks, Christina Hendricks & Ron Perlman
Screenplay by Hossein Amini
Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn

A Hollywood stunt driver who moonlights as a criminal wheelman takes on a dangerous job to protect his neighbor and her son.

This ride suffers from
a laborious pace and
a cheeseball soundtrack.

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Drive is now playing in theaters nationwide.

Haiku Review: Cars 2 (2011)

Starring: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy, Michael Caine & Emily Mortimer
Screenplay by Ben Queen
Directed by John Lasseter & Brad Lewis

Lightning McQueen takes the gang overseas for the World Grand Prix and his best friend Mater gets caught up in some international espionage.

amazing animation
keep Pixar revving.

Grade: B+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Cars 2 opens in theaters nationwide this Friday.

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Billy Burke & David Morse
Written by Todd Farmer & Patrick Lussier
Directed by Patrick Lussier

An undead felon breaks out of hell to seek revenge on the cult-worshipping savages who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.

Hell is a Nic Cage
movie burning your eyeballs
for eternity.

Grade: F

By Daniel J. Hoag
Drive Angry is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.

Starring: Parking lot attendants
Directed by Meghan Eckman

This documentary follows the attendants of a parking lot in Charlottesville, Virginia, as they wax philosophic and battle the ups and downs of subcultural life.

Real-life Slackers muse
about life and work among
SUVs, a–holes.

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
The Parking Lot Movie is available on DVD on 3/15/11.

Starring: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Christoph Waltz & Cameron Diaz
Written by Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg
Directed by Michel Gondry

After his father is murdered, a wealthy, hard-partying slacker decides to fight crime with the help of a gadget-making martial arts expert.

Seth Rogen fights crime?
More likely than his nailing
Katherine Heigl.

Grade: C+

By Daniel J. Hoag
The Green Hornet is now showing in theaters nationwide.