Tag Archive: Sequels

Haiku Review: RED 2 (2013)

red2Starring: Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Mary-Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, Anthony Hopkins & Catherine Zeta-Jones
Written by Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber
Directed by Dean Parisot

A team of retired CIA operatives must track down a weapon of mass destruction that’s been hidden for decades.

Keep giving Helen
Mirren guns and camouflage,
I’ll keep paying you.

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
RED 2 is playing now in theaters nationwide.


TX ChainsawStarring: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine “Trey Songz” Neverson & Tania Raymonde
Screenplay by Adam Marcus & Debra Sullivan and Kristen Elms
Directed by John Luessenhop

A young woman inherits a Texas farmhouse where she discovers her connection to a chainsaw-wielding murderer.

You’re not supposed to
“like” the psychopath, just how
he butchers assholes.

Grade: C-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Texas Chainsaw is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.

die hard 5Starring: Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Sebastian Koch, Mary Elizabeth Winstead & Yuliya Snigir
Written by Skip Woods
Directed by John Moore

John McClane travels to Russia where he and his estranged son attempt to foil a nuclear weapons heist.

It’s a good day to
call it quits ’cause this franchise
is dying easy.

Grade: C

By Daniel J. Hoag
A Good Day to Die Hard is playing now in theaters nationwide.

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

paranormal activity 4Starring: Katie Featherston, Kathryn Newton, Stephen Dunham, Matt Shively & Alexondra Lee
Screenplay by Christopher Landon
Directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman

A teenager finds her family threatened by the demonic ties of new neighbors.

With product placement
forethought, this demon haunts with
an XBox Kinect.

Grade: C

By Daniel J. Hoag
Paranormal Activity 4 is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 1/29/13.

Haiku Review: Men in Black 3

Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Jemaine Clement & Emma Thompson
Written by Etan Cohen
Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld

Agent J must travel back in time to save Agent K from an alien assassin.

More forgettable
than a hit from that flashy
mind-erase thingy.

Grade: C

By Daniel J. Hoag
Men in Black 3 is playing now in theaters nationwide.

It’s been six years and four crappy Twilight movies since Kate Beckinsale last donned her leather get-up to play vampire Selene, burrowing her way into the hearts of fanboys around the world. This week she returns in Underworld: Awakening to once again wage war on the beastly Lycans and look good doing it. The Haiku Review thought it would be a good time to take a look back at the franchise and slap some syllables down on the not-so-guilty-pleasures. Continue reading

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Garrett Hedlund, Olivia Wilde, Bruce Boxleitner & Michael Sheen
Screenplay by Edward Kitsis & Adam Horowitz
Directed by Joseph Kosinski

The son of a world famous video game designer attempts to rescue his missing father from the cyberworld into which he disappeared years ago.

Hopefully inspires
a whole new generation
of nerds. End of line.

Grade: B

By Daniel J. Hoag
Tron: Legacy is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 4/5/11.
It was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Sound Editing, 2010.

(Blu) Haiku Review: Paranormal Activity 2

By Daniel J. Hoag

It’s far from perfect,
but it sure beats the train wreck
that was Blair Witch 2.

Grade: B-

Paranormal Activity 2 is available on Blu-Ray and DVD today.