Tag Archive: Worst


apparitionIt’s Oscar weekend, which means it’s once again time for The Haiku Review to reveal its best and worst films of last year. This time around, the barrel’s bottom was scraped by scarily bad horror films, shriveled old action stars, and a fairly tale adaptation that won’t leave you living happily ever after. So without further ado, here are the five worst films of 2012. Continue reading

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Marvel’s superhero epic The Avengers hits theaters this Friday, kicking off four months full of Hollywood’s hottest commodities. Complete with aliens and spies, explosions and car chases, violence and PG-13-style romance, this time of year always offers something for everyone. Thus, without further ado, the Haiku Review announces its most anticipated movies of the 2012 summer movie season. Continue reading

The Haiku Review’s 2011 Blacklist

Oscar weekend is upon us, which – let’s face it – is the true end of the previous year’s movie season. And while the Haiku Review has given you its best and worst films of 2011 already, this haikuist would like to introduce a new year-end feature: the Blacklist.

The Blacklist is, essentially, the top five films of the year that the Haiku Review just wouldn’t watch. A lot of terrible films have been waded through to bring you the syllables you have come to know and love (or be relatively indifferent about and yet feel strangely compelled to return to). But there are some things – some terrible, awful things – the mere thought of which makes this haikuist run for the hills. Continue reading

The Haiku Review’s Worst Movies of 2011

By Daniel J. Hoag

As the holidays are drawing to a close and 2012 is upon us (the year, not that awful John Cusack movie), it’s time for the Haiku Review to start naming the best and worst movies of 2011. Let’s start with those films that deserve to be thrown out with all the torn-up wrapping paper and unappetizing fruitcakes. Continue reading

(Blu) Haiku Review: Apollo 18 (2011)

Starring: Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen & Ryan Robbins
Written by Brian Miller
Directed by Gonzalo López-Gallego

This “found footage” film captures the ill-fated secret mission of two astronauts sent to the moon in 1974.


As mortifying
as the tragic Challenger
disaster. (Too soon?)

Grade: D-


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Apollo 18 is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 12/27/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1772240/

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Jason Bateman, Leslie Mann, Olivia Wilde & Alan Arkin
Written by Jon Lucas & Scott Moore
Directed by David Dobkin

A hard-working family man and a womanizing actor who envy each other’s lives switch bodies.


A painful-to-watch,
vulgar, unoriginal
bona fide train wreck.

Grade: F


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Change-Up is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 11/8/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1488555/

Starring: Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Jenna Fischer, Richard Jenkins & Christina Applegate
Screenplay by Pete Jones & Peter Farrelly & Kevin Barnett & Bobby Farrelly
Directed by Peter Farrelly & Bobby Farrelly

Two restless married men are given a “hall pass” by their wives: one week of freedom to do whatever they want, no questions asked.


This is your hall pass:
A haiku that gets you out
of seeing this crap.

Grade: D


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Hall Pass is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/14/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0480687/

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker & Nicole Kidman
Screenplay by Allan Loeb and Timothy Dowling
Directed by Dennis Dugan

A plastic surgeon gets his assistant to pose as his soon-to-be ex-wife to cover up a lie he told to his girlfriend.


Misogynistic
drivel; the title asks too
much of the viewer.

Grade: F


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Just Go With It is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/7/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1564367/

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Billy Burke & David Morse
Written by Todd Farmer & Patrick Lussier
Directed by Patrick Lussier

An undead felon breaks out of hell to seek revenge on the cult-worshipping savages who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.


Hell is a Nic Cage
movie burning your eyeballs
for eternity.

Grade: F


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Drive Angry is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1502404/