Haiku Review: The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie, Matthew McConaughey, Kyle Chandler, Rob Reiner, Jon Bernthal, Jon Favreau & Jean Dujardin
Written by Terence Winter
Directed by Martin Scorsese

Based on the true rise and fall of Jordan Belfort, a corrupt, drug-fueled Wall Street executive who lived a life of extravagance by swindling his investors.


In the real world, Big
Bad Wolf eats Little Red and
gets away with it.

Grade: B+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Wolf of Wall Street is playing now in theaters nationwide.
IMDb

Haiku Review: August: Osage County (2013)

Starring: Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Chris Cooper, Ewan McGregor, Margo Martindale, Sam Shepard, Dermot Mulroney, Julianne Nicholson, Juliette Lewis, Abigail Breslin & Benedict Cumberbatch
Written by Tracy Letts
Directed by John Wells

After their patriarch goes missing, a dysfunctional family reunites and finds themselves once again at odds with each other and their cancer-stricken, pill-addled mother.


A family so
messed up that incest is the
least of its problems.

Grade: B-


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
August: Osage County is playing now in theaters nationwide.
IMDb

 

Haiku Review: Dallas Buyers Club (2013)

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Jared Leto, Denis O’Hare & Steve Zahn
Written by Craig Borten & Melisa Wallack
Directed by Jean-Marc Vallée

Based on the true story of Ron Woodroof, who, in the 80s and early 90s, set up a distribution ring of experimental and non-FDA-approved medication for desperate and neglected AIDS patients after discovering that he had contracted the disease – and that conventional American treatments were corrupted by poor bureaucracy.


McConaughey is
finally the actor we
all thought he would be.

Grade: A-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Dallas Buyers Club is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790636/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt

Haiku Review: The Heat (2013)

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy, Demián Bichir, Marlon Wayans, Michael Rapaport & Jane Curtin
Written by Katie Dippold
Directed by Paul Feig

An uptight FBI agent and a crude Boston cop team up to stop a high-level drug dealer.


This is what Lethal
Weapon looks like now that Mel
Gibson’s gone crazy.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Heat is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404463/?ref_=hm_cht_t3

Haiku Review: Snitch (2013)

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper, Jon Bernthal, Michael K. Williams, Melina Kanakaredes, Benjamin Bratt & Susan Sarandon
Written by Justin Haythe and Ric Roman Waugh
Directed by Ric Roman Waugh

When a man’s son is arrested for narcotics possession, he makes a deal to infiltrate a local drug ring to reduce his son’s sentence, but soon finds himself in over his head with a Mexican cartel.


Can you smell what The
Rock is cooking? I’m worried
that it might be meth.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Snitch is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0882977/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: Side Effects (2013)

Starring: Jude Law, Rooney Mara, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Channing Tatum & Ann Dowd
Written by Scott Z. Burns
Directed by Steven Soderbergh

When a psychiatrist prescribes an experimental drug to a young woman suffering from terrifying anxiety, the side effects have deadly consequences.


No drug can fight the
depression that will come if
Soderbergh retires.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Side Effects is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2053463/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: The Place Beyond the Pines (2013)

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes, Ben Mendelsohn, Bradley Cooper, Rose Byrne, Bruce Greenwood & Ray Liotta
Written by Derek Cianfrance, Ben Coccio & Darius Marder
Directed by Derek Cianfrance

When the lives of a motorcycle stunt rider and a rookie cop collide, their children suffer the devastating effects.


The film opens on
Gosling’s abs and then just goes
downhill from then on.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Place Beyond the Pines is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1817273/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Evil Dead (2013)

Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas & Elizabeth Blackmore
Screenplay by Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues
Directed by Fede Alvarez

Five friends staying at a remote cabin in the woods unwittingly unleash a demonic presence that consumes them one by one.


Joss owns cabin flicks
now, but this groovy remake
gives you some sugar.

Grade: B+


c2103
By Daniel J. Hoag
Evil Dead is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288558/

Haiku Review: John Dies at the End (2012)

Starring: Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown, Glynn Turman & Doug Jones
Written for the screen and directed by Don Coscarelli

A pair of college dropouts must stop an otherworldy invasion that is tied to a new street drug called Soy Sauce.


This gonzo genre
mash-up has “cult hit” written
all over John’s corpse.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
John Dies at the End is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1783732/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Bachelorette (2012)

Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, Lizzy Caplan, James Marsden, Kyle Bornheimer, Rebel Wilson & Adam Scott
Written and directed by Leslye Headland

After a bachelorette party goes awry, three women must rush to fix the bride’s dress before the wedding.


Setting out to prove
that women can be just as
unfunny as men.

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Bachelorette is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1920849/?ref_=sr_1