Haiku Review: Man of Steel (2013)

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne & Russell Crowe
Screenplay by David S. Goyer
Directed by Zack Snyder

A young man with extraordinary powers must confront his extraterrestrial heritage when Earth is threatened by criminals from his home planet.


Look, up on the screen!
It’s a bird! A plane! No, wait–
it’s a turd in tights!

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Man of Steel is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: Escape from Tomorrow (2013)

Starring: Roy Abramsohn & Elena Schuber
Written & directed by Randy Moore

A man begins to question his sanity when a trip to Disney World with his family leads to numerous disturbing and surreal encounters.


Don’t forget that the
Mouse House is essentially
a place for vermin.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Escape from Tomorrow is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2187884/?ref_=nv_sr_2

Haiku Review: The World’s End (2013)

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, Eddie Marsan & Rosamund Pike
Written by Edgar Wright & Simon Pegg
Directed by Edgar Wright

Five friends reunite to finish an epic pub crawl they attempted in their youth, but instead find themselves confronted by an otherworldly threat to humanity.


Out of all the year’s
end-of-the-world flicks, this is
the one to die for.

Grade: A-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The World’s End is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213663/?ref_=sr_2

Haiku Review: Pacific Rim (2013)

Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Burn Gorman & Ron Perlman
Written by Travis Beacham & Guillermo del Toro
Directed by Guillermo del Toro

The human race must save itself from extinction by using giant mechanical robots to battle monstrous creatures that are rising up out of the ocean.


Giant robots fight
giant monsters. Who needs those
stupid Transformers?

Grade: B+


c2103
By Daniel J. Hoag
Pacific Rim is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1663662/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Benedict Cumberbatch, Anton Yelchin, Bruce Greenwood, Peter Weller & Alice Eve
Written by Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman & Damon Lindelof
Directed by J.J. Abrams

The crew of the Enterprise is sent on a rogue mission to capture a terrorist responsible for attacks against Starfleet.


Cumberbatch strikes fear
across galaxies without
sporting a mullet.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Star Trek: Into Darkness opens in theaters nationwide tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408101/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Rebecca Hall, Jon Favreau & Ben Kingsley
Written by Drew Pearce & Shane Black
Directed by Shane Black

Tony Stark dons his metal suit to battle a terrorist called The Mandarin.


We get it, Gwyneth.
You have really nice abs. Please
put a shirt back on.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Iron Man 3 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1300854/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: John Dies at the End (2012)

Starring: Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown, Glynn Turman & Doug Jones
Written for the screen and directed by Don Coscarelli

A pair of college dropouts must stop an otherworldy invasion that is tied to a new street drug called Soy Sauce.


This gonzo genre
mash-up has “cult hit” written
all over John’s corpse.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
John Dies at the End is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1783732/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Dark Skies (2013)

Starring: Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton & J.K. Simmons
Written & directed by Scott Stewart

A family is terrorized by aliens.


‘Cause close encounters
are not all musical tones
and mashed potatoes.

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Dark Skies is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2387433/?ref_=sr_1

(Blu) Haiku Review: Dredd (2012)

Starring: Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Wood Harris & Lena Headey
Screenplay by Alex Garland
Directed by Pete Travis

In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, two law enforcement officers, known as “Judges,” must survive being trapped in a 200-story apartment slum where they are hunted by a ruthless drug kingpin and her well-armed minions.


It doesn’t co-star
Rob Schneider, thus instantly
better than Stallone’s.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Dredd is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 1/8/13.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1343727/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

(Blu) Haiku Review: The Watch (2012)

Starring: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, Richard Ayoade, Rosemarie Dewitt & Will Forte
Written by Jared Stern, Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg
Directed by Akiva Schaffer

Four bumbling neighborhood watch members in a small Ohio town must stop an aliens from destroying the world.


I’ll choose alien
invasion over Vince Vaughn
any friggin’ day.

Grade: C-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Watch is available on Blu-ray and DVD on tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1298649/