Haiku Review: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Clark Duke, Donald Faison, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo & Jim Carrey
Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass and Hit Girl join forces with other citizens dressed as superheroes to stop the vengeance-fueled rampage of Red Mist.


Jim Carrey in a
mask: now much creepier than
when he was The Mask.

Grade: C+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Kick-Ass 2 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650554/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

Haiku Review: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Starring: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry & Benedict Cumberbatch
Written by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson & Guillermo del Toro
Directed by Peter Jackson

Bilbo Baggins continues his quest to help his dwarven companions reclaim their homeland – a journey that leads him straight into the lair of the mighty dragon Smaug.


Aren’t these films supposed
to be more about, you know,
the freaking Hobbit!

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1170358/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt

Haiku Review: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Eccleston, Zachary Levi, Ray Stevenson, Idris Elba, Rene Russo, Kat Dennings & Stellan Skarsgård
Written by Christopher L. Yost, Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely
Directed by Alan Taylor

Thor must rely on his dangerous and untrustworthy brother, Loki, to help stop an evil Dark Elf from destroying the universe.


Since when does Asgard
look like Rivendell and fight
Dark Elves? #wheresgollum

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Thor: The Dark World is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1981115/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: Man of Steel (2013)

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne & Russell Crowe
Screenplay by David S. Goyer
Directed by Zack Snyder

A young man with extraordinary powers must confront his extraterrestrial heritage when Earth is threatened by criminals from his home planet.


Look, up on the screen!
It’s a bird! A plane! No, wait–
it’s a turd in tights!

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Man of Steel is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: The World’s End (2013)

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, Eddie Marsan & Rosamund Pike
Written by Edgar Wright & Simon Pegg
Directed by Edgar Wright

Five friends reunite to finish an epic pub crawl they attempted in their youth, but instead find themselves confronted by an otherworldly threat to humanity.


Out of all the year’s
end-of-the-world flicks, this is
the one to die for.

Grade: A-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The World’s End is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213663/?ref_=sr_2

Haiku Review: You’re Next (2013)

Starring: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen & Joe Swanberg
Written by Simon Barrett
Directed by Adam Wingard

A wealthy but dysfunctional family finds itself under attack from a trio of masked killers.


Once you have sex next
to your dead mom, it’s hard to
go back to normal.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
You’re Next is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/?ref_=hm_inth_t3

Haiku Review: RED 2 (2013)

Starring: Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Mary-Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, Anthony Hopkins & Catherine Zeta-Jones
Written by Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber
Directed by Dean Parisot

A team of retired CIA operatives must track down a weapon of mass destruction that’s been hidden for decades.


Keep giving Helen
Mirren guns and camouflage,
I’ll keep paying you.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
RED 2 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1821694/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Pacific Rim (2013)

Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Burn Gorman & Ron Perlman
Written by Travis Beacham & Guillermo del Toro
Directed by Guillermo del Toro

The human race must save itself from extinction by using giant mechanical robots to battle monstrous creatures that are rising up out of the ocean.


Giant robots fight
giant monsters. Who needs those
stupid Transformers?

Grade: B+


c2103
By Daniel J. Hoag
Pacific Rim is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1663662/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: The Purge (2013)

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey & Rhys Wakefield
Written and directed by James DeMonaco

A security expert and his family are held under siege during the Annual Purge, a 12-hour period when all crime–including murder–is legal.


You mean the king of
security’s never heard
of a panic room?

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Purge is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2184339/

Haiku Review: The Heat (2013)

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy, Demián Bichir, Marlon Wayans, Michael Rapaport & Jane Curtin
Written by Katie Dippold
Directed by Paul Feig

An uptight FBI agent and a crude Boston cop team up to stop a high-level drug dealer.


This is what Lethal
Weapon looks like now that Mel
Gibson’s gone crazy.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Heat is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404463/?ref_=hm_cht_t3