Haiku Review: Man of Steel (2013)

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne & Russell Crowe
Screenplay by David S. Goyer
Directed by Zack Snyder

A young man with extraordinary powers must confront his extraterrestrial heritage when Earth is threatened by criminals from his home planet.


Look, up on the screen!
It’s a bird! A plane! No, wait–
it’s a turd in tights!

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Man of Steel is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: The World’s End (2013)

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, Eddie Marsan & Rosamund Pike
Written by Edgar Wright & Simon Pegg
Directed by Edgar Wright

Five friends reunite to finish an epic pub crawl they attempted in their youth, but instead find themselves confronted by an otherworldly threat to humanity.


Out of all the year’s
end-of-the-world flicks, this is
the one to die for.

Grade: A-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The World’s End is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213663/?ref_=sr_2

Haiku Review: John Dies at the End (2012)

Starring: Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown, Glynn Turman & Doug Jones
Written for the screen and directed by Don Coscarelli

A pair of college dropouts must stop an otherworldy invasion that is tied to a new street drug called Soy Sauce.


This gonzo genre
mash-up has “cult hit” written
all over John’s corpse.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
John Dies at the End is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1783732/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Dark Skies (2013)

Starring: Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton & J.K. Simmons
Written & directed by Scott Stewart

A family is terrorized by aliens.


‘Cause close encounters
are not all musical tones
and mashed potatoes.

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Dark Skies is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2387433/?ref_=sr_1

(Blu) Haiku Review: The Watch (2012)

Starring: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, Richard Ayoade, Rosemarie Dewitt & Will Forte
Written by Jared Stern, Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg
Directed by Akiva Schaffer

Four bumbling neighborhood watch members in a small Ohio town must stop an aliens from destroying the world.


I’ll choose alien
invasion over Vince Vaughn
any friggin’ day.

Grade: C-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Watch is available on Blu-ray and DVD on tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1298649/

Haiku Review: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

Starring: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Walter Koenig, George Takei, Nichelle Nichols, Kirstie Alley & Ricardo Montalban
Screenplay by Jack B. Sowards
Directed by Nicholas Meyer

Admiral James T. Kirk and the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise find themselves under assualt from a vengeful adversary named Khan.


The Shat takes on a
man-boobed mullet wig in a
hammy acting war.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084726/
TCFF 12-06

Haiku Review: Prometheus (2012)

Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce & Logan Marshall-Green
Written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof
Directed by Ridley Scott

A team of interplanetary explorers travel to a remote planet hoping to discover an ancient race that may have created life on Earth and uncover something that just might destroy it.


Alien evolves.
Hang on, fanboys: In space, no
one can hear you squee!
Grade: A-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Prometheus is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1446714/

Haiku Review: Men in Black 3

Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Jemaine Clement & Emma Thompson
Written by Etan Cohen
Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld

Agent J must travel back in time to save Agent K from an alien assassin.


More forgettable
than a hit from that flashy
mind-erase thingy.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Men in Black 3 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1409024/

(Blu) Haiku Review: John Carter (2012)

Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church & Bryan Cranston
Screenplay by Andrew Stanton & Mark Andrews and Michael Chabon
Directed by Andrew Stanton

A Civil War veteran is transported to Mars where he becomes embroiled in a violent conflict between the different native tribes.


Disney delivers
on the promise of the world’s
dullest film title.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
John Carter is available on Blu-ray and DVD today.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401729/

Haiku Review: The Avengers (2012)

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Clark Gregg, Cobie Smulders, Stellan Skarsgård, Samuel L. Jackson & Gwyneth Paltrow
Written and directed by Joss Whedon

When the evil god Loki threatens Earth with an alien invasion, Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. must assemble the world’s mightiest heroes – including Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America – to stop him.


Loki tried, but it’s
Joss Whedon who has achieved
world domination.

Grade: A-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Avengers is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0848228/