Haiku Review: Brave (2012)

Starring: Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson, Julie Walters, Robbie Coltrane, Kevin McKidd & Craig Ferguson
Screenplay by Mark Andrews and Steve Purcell and Brenda Chapman and Irene Mecchi
Directed by Mark Andrews & Brenda Chapman

When a feisty Scottish princess finds herself at odds with her controlling mother, she finds herself confronted with an unexpected curse that she must race to undo before it’s too late.


The story plays it
safe, but Brave still feels like a
cool breeze up the kilt.

Grade: B+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Brave is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217209/

(Blu) Haiku Review: 21 Jump Street (2012)

Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Brie Larson, Dave Franco, Rob Riggle & Ice Cube
Screenplay by Michael Bacall
Directed by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller

Two rookie cops are sent undercover to stop a drug ring at the high school where they were once adversaries.


The Street‘s been repaved
and despite a few bumps, it
makes for a good ride.

Grade: B+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
21 Jump Street is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/26/12.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1232829/

Haiku Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Starring: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead & Rufus Sewell
Screenplay by Seth Grahame-Smith
Directed by Timur Bekmambetov

After his mother is murdered by a vampire, Abraham Lincoln learns how to hunt them.


A one-joke premise
stretched four score, seven years long
Abe‘s a slave to style

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1611224/

Haiku Review: Rock of Ages (2012)

Starring: Diego Boneta, Julianne Hough, Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Bryan Cranston, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Paul Giamatti & Malin Akerman
Screenplay by Justin Theroux and Chris D’Arienzo and Allan Loeb
Directed by Adam Shankman

Two young singers fall in love amidst the backdrop of the 1980’s rock music scene.


Ride “Crazy Train” to
Campy Town. It’ll Rock you
like a drinking game.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Rock of Ages is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1336608/

Haiku Review: Holy Rollers: The True Story of Card Counting Christians (2011)

Featuring: Gambling Christians
Directed by Bryan Storkel

For three years, a documentary team followed around one of the largest and most well-funded card-counting blackjack teams of all time – one comprised entirely of church-going Christians.


Cards? Their real skills are
hypocrisy and moral
justification.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Holy Rollers: The True Story of Card Counting Christians is available on DVD on 6/19/12.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1780862/

DVD Haiku Review: Make Believe: The Battle to Become the World’s Best Teen Magician (2011)

Directed by J. Clay Tweel

This documentary follows a group of young magicians battling to win the Lance Burton Teen Stage Competition.


This contest doc has
by-the-book hocus-pocus
but little magic.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Make Believe: The Battle to Become the World’s Best Teen Magician is available now on DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1538833/

Haiku Review: Prometheus (2012)

Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce & Logan Marshall-Green
Written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof
Directed by Ridley Scott

A team of interplanetary explorers travel to a remote planet hoping to discover an ancient race that may have created life on Earth and uncover something that just might destroy it.


Alien evolves.
Hang on, fanboys: In space, no
one can hear you squee!
Grade: A-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Prometheus is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1446714/

(Blu) Haiku Review: Act of Valor (2012)

Starring: U.S. Navy SEALs
Written by Kurt Johnstad
Directed by Scott Waugh & Mouse McCoy

A highly-trained U.S. Navy SEAL team must stop a deadly terrorist attack.


Real SEALs L.A.R.P. up some
Call of Duty-style thrills. Don’t
quit your day jobs, boys.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Act of Valor is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1591479/

Haiku Review: Men in Black 3

Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Jemaine Clement & Emma Thompson
Written by Etan Cohen
Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld

Agent J must travel back in time to save Agent K from an alien assassin.


More forgettable
than a hit from that flashy
mind-erase thingy.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Men in Black 3 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1409024/

(Blu) Haiku Review: John Carter (2012)

Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church & Bryan Cranston
Screenplay by Andrew Stanton & Mark Andrews and Michael Chabon
Directed by Andrew Stanton

A Civil War veteran is transported to Mars where he becomes embroiled in a violent conflict between the different native tribes.


Disney delivers
on the promise of the world’s
dullest film title.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
John Carter is available on Blu-ray and DVD today.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401729/