Tag Archive: Teenagers

Haiku Review: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

kick ass 2Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Clark Duke, Donald Faison, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo & Jim Carrey
Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass and Hit Girl join forces with other citizens dressed as superheroes to stop the vengeance-fueled rampage of Red Mist.

Jim Carrey in a
mask: now much creepier than
when he was The Mask.

Grade: C+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Kick-Ass 2 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.


Haiku Review: Carrie (2013)

carrieStarring: Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Judy Greer & Portia Doubleday
Written by Lawrence D. Cohen & Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Directed by Kimberly Peirce

After suffering abuse at the hands of her fanatically religious mother and cruel high school bullies, a teenage girl with telekinetic powers is pushed to the point of revenge.

One of her powers
is the ability to
make you roll your eyes.

Grade: C

By Daniel J. Hoag
Carrie is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.

blue is the warmest colorStarring: Léa Seydoux & Adèle Exarchopoulos
Written by Abdellatif Kechiche & Ghalia Lacroix
Directed by Abdellatif Kechiche

Adèle is a young woman whose life is transformed when she begins an intense romance with Emma, an attractive artist with blue hair.

So explicit it
brings new meaning to the term
“three-hanky movie.”

Grade: A-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Blue Is the Warmest Color is playing now in select cities.


way way backStarring: Liam James, Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Sam Rockwell, Allison Janney, Maya Rudolph, AnnaSophia Robb, Rob Corddry, Amanda Peet, Nat Faxon & Jim Rash
Written & directed by Nat Faxon & Jim Rash

On vacation with his mother and her emotionally abusive boyfriend, a shy teenager begins to come out of his shell after he befriends the employees of a local water park.

Although, most older
guys who friend kids at water
parks are pedophiles.

Grade: B+

By Daniel J. Hoag
The Way Way Back is playing now in select cities.


Haiku Review: Snitch (2013)

snitchStarring: Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper, Jon Bernthal, Michael K. Williams, Melina Kanakaredes, Benjamin Bratt & Susan Sarandon
Written by Justin Haythe and Ric Roman Waugh
Directed by Ric Roman Waugh

When a man’s son is arrested for narcotics possession, he makes a deal to infiltrate a local drug ring to reduce his son’s sentence, but soon finds himself in over his head with a Mexican cartel.

Can you smell what The
Rock is cooking? I’m worried
that it might be meth.

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Snitch is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.


pinesStarring: Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes, Ben Mendelsohn, Bradley Cooper, Rose Byrne, Bruce Greenwood & Ray Liotta
Written by Derek Cianfrance, Ben Coccio & Darius Marder
Directed by Derek Cianfrance

When the lives of a motorcycle stunt rider and a rookie cop collide, their children suffer the devastating effects.

The film opens on
Gosling’s abs and then just goes
downhill from then on.

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
The Place Beyond the Pines is playing now in select cities.


Haiku Review: This Is 40 (2012)

This is 40Starring: Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, John Lithgow, Megan Fox, Albert Brooks & Melissa McCarthy
Written and directed by Judd Apatow

As they both turn 40, struggling married couple Pete and Debbie must figure out how to balance romance, careers, parents and children.

I’d have rather watched
two hours of Albert Brooks
in This Is 60.

Grade: B

By Daniel J. Hoag
This Is 40 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.


central park 5Written and directed by Sarah Burns & David McMahon & Ken Burns

This documentary tells the story of five black and Latino teenagers from Harlem who, in 1989, were wrongfully convicted of raping a white woman in New York City’s Central Park.

West Memphis Three got
four films. Did these guys get just
one ’cause they’re not white?

Grade: B+

By Daniel J. Hoag
The Central Park Five is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 4/23/13.


Haiku Review: Dark Skies (2013)

dark skiesStarring: Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton & J.K. Simmons
Written & directed by Scott Stewart

A family is terrorized by aliens.

‘Cause close encounters
are not all musical tones
and mashed potatoes.

Grade: C+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Dark Skies is playing now in theaters nationwide.


hotel tStarring: Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, Fran Drescher, Steve Buscemi & Molly Shannon, David Spade
Screenplay by Peter Baynham and Robert Smigel
Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky

Dracula opens a monsters-only resort, but finds his world upended when a human finds his way in and falls for his daughter.

This Hotel should be
condemned and all residents
deserve to be staked.

Grade: D+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Hotel Transylvania is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.