Haiku Review: The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie, Matthew McConaughey, Kyle Chandler, Rob Reiner, Jon Bernthal, Jon Favreau & Jean Dujardin
Written by Terence Winter
Directed by Martin Scorsese

Based on the true rise and fall of Jordan Belfort, a corrupt, drug-fueled Wall Street executive who lived a life of extravagance by swindling his investors.


In the real world, Big
Bad Wolf eats Little Red and
gets away with it.

Grade: B+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Wolf of Wall Street is playing now in theaters nationwide.
IMDb

Haiku Review: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Clark Duke, Donald Faison, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo & Jim Carrey
Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass and Hit Girl join forces with other citizens dressed as superheroes to stop the vengeance-fueled rampage of Red Mist.


Jim Carrey in a
mask: now much creepier than
when he was The Mask.

Grade: C+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Kick-Ass 2 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650554/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

Haiku Review: American Hustle (2013)

Starring: Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner, Jennifer Lawrence, Louis C.K. & Robert De Niro
Written by Eric Warren Singer & David O. Russell
Directed by David O. Russell

Two swindlers are forced to help an overly ambitious FBI agent, and they soon find themselves neck-deep in political corruption and organized crime.


A comb-over and
bell bottoms would convince me
to do anything.

Grade: A-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
American Hustle is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1800241/?ref_=hm_cht_t4

Haiku Review: Captain Phillips (2013)

Starring: Tom Hanks, Barkhad Abdi & Catherine Keener
Written by Billy Ray
Directed by Paul Greengrass

The true story of the hijacking of an American cargo ship by Somali pirates in 2009.


Finally a film
about pirates that doesn’t
involve Johnny Depp.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Captain Phillips is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1535109/?ref_=nv_sr_5

Haiku Review: Blue Jasmine (2013)

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin, Sally Hawkins, Bobby Cannavale, Andrew Dice Clay, Louis C.K. & Peter Sarsgaard
Written & directed by Woody Allen

A New York socialite suffers a nervous breakdown and moves in with her lower-class sister after her husband is imprisoned for financial fraud and their assets are seized by the government.


Blanchett is the queen,
but you’ll just be surprised that
Dice Clay doesn’t suck.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Blue Jasmine is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2334873/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: You’re Next (2013)

Starring: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen & Joe Swanberg
Written by Simon Barrett
Directed by Adam Wingard

A wealthy but dysfunctional family finds itself under attack from a trio of masked killers.


Once you have sex next
to your dead mom, it’s hard to
go back to normal.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
You’re Next is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/?ref_=hm_inth_t3

Haiku Review: RED 2 (2013)

Starring: Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Mary-Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, Anthony Hopkins & Catherine Zeta-Jones
Written by Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber
Directed by Dean Parisot

A team of retired CIA operatives must track down a weapon of mass destruction that’s been hidden for decades.


Keep giving Helen
Mirren guns and camouflage,
I’ll keep paying you.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
RED 2 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1821694/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: The East (2013)

Starring: Brit Marling, Alexander Skarsgård, Ellen Page, Patricia Clarkson, Jason Ritter & Julia Ormond
Written by Zal Batmanglij & Brit Marling
Directed by Zal Batmanglij

An operative for a private security firm is sent to infiltrate an eco-terrorist group known as The East.


That True Blood guy gets
naked and people will do
anything for him.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The East is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1869716/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: The Purge (2013)

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey & Rhys Wakefield
Written and directed by James DeMonaco

A security expert and his family are held under siege during the Annual Purge, a 12-hour period when all crime–including murder–is legal.


You mean the king of
security’s never heard
of a panic room?

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Purge is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2184339/

Haiku Review: The Heat (2013)

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy, Demián Bichir, Marlon Wayans, Michael Rapaport & Jane Curtin
Written by Katie Dippold
Directed by Paul Feig

An uptight FBI agent and a crude Boston cop team up to stop a high-level drug dealer.


This is what Lethal
Weapon looks like now that Mel
Gibson’s gone crazy.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Heat is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404463/?ref_=hm_cht_t3