Haiku Review: Frozen (2013)

Starring: Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff, Josh Gad & Alan Tudyk
Screenplay by Jennifer Lee
Directed by Chris Buck & Jennifer Lee

When her sister’s magical powers trap their kingdom in an endless winter, young Anna sets out on a quest to find her sibling and bring back warm weather.


Buried under the
polar vortex of Disney’s
princess formula.

Grade: C+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Frozen is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2294629/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt

Haiku Review: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013)

Starring: Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi, Olivia Wilde, Alan Arkin, James Gandolfini & Jim Carrey
Screenplay by Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley
Directed by Don Scardino

A washed-up magician feuds with his longtime partner and faces competition from a flashy street performer.


The only trick here
is how Jim Carrey makes his
career disappear.

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790628/?ref_=fn_al_ch_1a

Haiku Review: Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

Starring: James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams & Zach Braff
Written by Mitchell Kapner and David Lindsay-Abaire
Directed by Sam Raimi

The story of how a swindling magician became the Wizard of Oz and defended the fantasy realm from a pair of evil witches.


Like Oz himself, this
film is just a screen with no
magic behind it.

Grade: C-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Oz the Great and Powerful is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1623205/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Starring: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage & Andy Serkis
Written by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson & Guillermo del Toro
Directed by Peter Jackson

60 years before the events in The Lord of the Rings, a young Bilbo Baggins reluctantly sets out with a group of dwarfs who are bent on reclaiming their lost kingdom from the fierce dragon Smaug.


Bless us and splash us
Gollum’s most precious in this
overstuffed return.

Grade: B


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0903624/

(Blu) Haiku Review: Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost & Toby Jones
Screenplay by Evan Daugherty and John Lee Hancock and Hossein Amini
Directed by Rupert Sanders

When a princess escapes the clutches of an evil queen, a hunter is dispatched to retrieve her.


Stewart’s the rotten
core that helps make this shiny
apple taste so bad.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Snow White and the Huntsman is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1735898/

Haiku Review: Brave (2012)

Starring: Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson, Julie Walters, Robbie Coltrane, Kevin McKidd & Craig Ferguson
Screenplay by Mark Andrews and Steve Purcell and Brenda Chapman and Irene Mecchi
Directed by Mark Andrews & Brenda Chapman

When a feisty Scottish princess finds herself at odds with her controlling mother, she finds herself confronted with an unexpected curse that she must race to undo before it’s too late.


The story plays it
safe, but Brave still feels like a
cool breeze up the kilt.

Grade: B+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Brave is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217209/

DVD Haiku Review: Make Believe: The Battle to Become the World’s Best Teen Magician (2011)

Directed by J. Clay Tweel

This documentary follows a group of young magicians battling to win the Lance Burton Teen Stage Competition.


This contest doc has
by-the-book hocus-pocus
but little magic.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Make Believe: The Battle to Become the World’s Best Teen Magician is available now on DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1538833/

(Blu) Haiku Review: John Carter (2012)

Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church & Bryan Cranston
Screenplay by Andrew Stanton & Mark Andrews and Michael Chabon
Directed by Andrew Stanton

A Civil War veteran is transported to Mars where he becomes embroiled in a violent conflict between the different native tribes.


Disney delivers
on the promise of the world’s
dullest film title.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
John Carter is available on Blu-ray and DVD today.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401729/

(Blu) Haiku Review: Puss in Boots (2011)

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Zach Galifianakis, Billy Bob Thornton & Amy Sedaris
Screenplay by Tom Wheeler
Directed by Chris Miller

Swashbuckling outlaw Puss in Boots, fellow feline renegade Kitty Softpaws, and old friend Humpty Dumpty are pitted against the nefarious Jack and Jill, who are in possession of some valuable magic beans.


This furry Puss fares
better without that stupid
green ogre around.

Grade: B-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Puss in Boots is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 2/24/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448694/

(Blu) Haiku Review: Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Starring: Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Stephen Lang, Rose McGowan & Ron Perlman
Written by Thomas Dean Donnelly & Joshua Oppenheimer and Sean Hood
Directed by Marcus Nispel

A fierce warrior seeks revenge for the murder of his father.


Conan was better
on Game of Thrones: he didn’t
have to speak English.

Grade: C


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Conan the Barbarian is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 11/22/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0816462/