Haiku Review: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Clark Duke, Donald Faison, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo & Jim Carrey
Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass and Hit Girl join forces with other citizens dressed as superheroes to stop the vengeance-fueled rampage of Red Mist.


Jim Carrey in a
mask: now much creepier than
when he was The Mask.

Grade: C+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Kick-Ass 2 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650554/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

Haiku Review: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Eccleston, Zachary Levi, Ray Stevenson, Idris Elba, Rene Russo, Kat Dennings & Stellan Skarsgård
Written by Christopher L. Yost, Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely
Directed by Alan Taylor

Thor must rely on his dangerous and untrustworthy brother, Loki, to help stop an evil Dark Elf from destroying the universe.


Since when does Asgard
look like Rivendell and fight
Dark Elves? #wheresgollum

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Thor: The Dark World is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1981115/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: Man of Steel (2013)

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne & Russell Crowe
Screenplay by David S. Goyer
Directed by Zack Snyder

A young man with extraordinary powers must confront his extraterrestrial heritage when Earth is threatened by criminals from his home planet.


Look, up on the screen!
It’s a bird! A plane! No, wait–
it’s a turd in tights!

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Man of Steel is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Rebecca Hall, Jon Favreau & Ben Kingsley
Written by Drew Pearce & Shane Black
Directed by Shane Black

Tony Stark dons his metal suit to battle a terrorist called The Mandarin.


We get it, Gwyneth.
You have really nice abs. Please
put a shirt back on.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Iron Man 3 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1300854/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

(Blu) Haiku Review: Dredd (2012)

Starring: Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Wood Harris & Lena Headey
Screenplay by Alex Garland
Directed by Pete Travis

In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, two law enforcement officers, known as “Judges,” must survive being trapped in a 200-story apartment slum where they are hunted by a ruthless drug kingpin and her well-armed minions.


It doesn’t co-star
Rob Schneider, thus instantly
better than Stallone’s.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Dredd is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 1/8/13.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1343727/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Starring: Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway, Marion Cotillard, Morgan Freeman & Michael Caine
Written by Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan
Directed by Christopher Nolan

After eight years in hiding, Bruce Wayne once again becomes Batman to stop the vicious terrorist Bane from wiping Gotham City off the map.


Only someone as
insane as the Joker could
nitpick Batman’s flaws.

Grade: A-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Dark Knight Rises is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1345836/

Haiku Review: The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Starring: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen & Sally Field
Screenplay by James Vanderbilt and Alvin Sargent and Steve Kloves
Directed by Marc Webb

After awkward teen Peter Parker gets bit by a genetically-enhanced spider, he transforms into a vigilante crime fighter named Spider-Man and faces off against a dangerous doctor who tranforms into a giant lizard.


This Spider doesn’t
bite, but the sticky part is,
Raimi did it best.

Grade: B-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Amazing Spider-Man is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0948470/

Haiku Review: The Avengers (2012)

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Clark Gregg, Cobie Smulders, Stellan Skarsgård, Samuel L. Jackson & Gwyneth Paltrow
Written and directed by Joss Whedon

When the evil god Loki threatens Earth with an alien invasion, Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. must assemble the world’s mightiest heroes – including Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America – to stop him.


Loki tried, but it’s
Joss Whedon who has achieved
world domination.

Grade: A-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Avengers is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0848228/

Haiku Review: The Marvel Universe Franchise

Somewhere in the middle of last decade, the creative folks behind comics giant Marvel realized they could probably make more money by producing their own films rather than licensing their property to other movie studios. After reacquiring the rights to several of their key superheroes, Marvel Studios began to unveil a series of films with overlapping continuity, shared characters, and a master plan that would lead up to a massive ensemble piece. Now that plan comes to fruition with The Avengers – the Marvel Universe collective that features such heavy hitters as Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and Captain America. With The Avengers opening in theaters in less than a week, it’s time for the Haiku Review to look back at the Marvel Universe films that have been leading up to it.

DVD Haiku Review: Superheroes (2011)

Directed by Michael Barnett

A documentary that looks at “real-life superheroes” who dress up in costumes and fight crime.


A gamut of loons
from earnest to sheer nutjob
entertain in tights.

Grade: B


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Superheroes is available on DVD on 11/15/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1792621/