Haiku Review: Carrie (2013)

Starring: Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Judy Greer & Portia Doubleday
Written by Lawrence D. Cohen & Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Directed by Kimberly Peirce

After suffering abuse at the hands of her fanatically religious mother and cruel high school bullies, a teenage girl with telekinetic powers is pushed to the point of revenge.


One of her powers
is the ability to
make you roll your eyes.

Grade: C


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Carrie is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1939659/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt

Haiku Review: Escape from Tomorrow (2013)

Starring: Roy Abramsohn & Elena Schuber
Written & directed by Randy Moore

A man begins to question his sanity when a trip to Disney World with his family leads to numerous disturbing and surreal encounters.


Don’t forget that the
Mouse House is essentially
a place for vermin.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Escape from Tomorrow is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2187884/?ref_=nv_sr_2

Haiku Review: You’re Next (2013)

Starring: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen & Joe Swanberg
Written by Simon Barrett
Directed by Adam Wingard

A wealthy but dysfunctional family finds itself under attack from a trio of masked killers.


Once you have sex next
to your dead mom, it’s hard to
go back to normal.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
You’re Next is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/?ref_=hm_inth_t3

Haiku Review: The Conjuring (2013)

Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Lili Taylor & Ron Livingston
Written by Chad Hayes & Carey W. Hayes
Directed by James Wan

Based on the true story of Ed and Lorraine Warren, paranormal investigators who, in 1971, helped a family that was being terrorized by a demonic presence shortly after moving into a new home.


Prepare yourself for
the scariest film ever
made about clapping.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Conjuring is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1457767/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: The Purge (2013)

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey & Rhys Wakefield
Written and directed by James DeMonaco

A security expert and his family are held under siege during the Annual Purge, a 12-hour period when all crime–including murder–is legal.


You mean the king of
security’s never heard
of a panic room?

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Purge is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2184339/

Haiku Review: World War Z (2013)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, Daniella Kertesz & James Badge Dale
Written by Matthew Michael Carnahan and Drew Goddard & Damon Lindelof
Directed by Marc Forster

A United Nations employee traverses the globe investigating a zombie pandemic that is threatening to bring about the extinction of humanity.


Hey, that zombie book
you love has been turned into
a movie title!

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
World War Z is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0816711/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Mama (2013)

Starring: Jessica Chastain & Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
Screenplay by Neil Cross and Andy Muschietti & Barbara Muschietti
Directed by Andy Muschietti

When two young girls are taken in by their uncle and his girlfriend after living alone in the woods for several years, a haunting, maternal presence follows them to their new home.


Hey, for a little
extra free time, I’d let a
ghost watch my children.

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Mama is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2023587/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: Texas Chainsaw (2013)

Starring: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine “Trey Songz” Neverson & Tania Raymonde
Screenplay by Adam Marcus & Debra Sullivan and Kristen Elms
Directed by John Luessenhop

A young woman inherits a Texas farmhouse where she discovers her connection to a chainsaw-wielding murderer.


You’re not supposed to
“like” the psychopath, just how
he butchers assholes.

Grade: C-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Texas Chainsaw is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1572315/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Evil Dead (2013)

Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas & Elizabeth Blackmore
Screenplay by Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues
Directed by Fede Alvarez

Five friends staying at a remote cabin in the woods unwittingly unleash a demonic presence that consumes them one by one.


Joss owns cabin flicks
now, but this groovy remake
gives you some sugar.

Grade: B+


c2103
By Daniel J. Hoag
Evil Dead is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288558/

Haiku Review: The Awakening (2011)

Starring: Rebecca Hall, Dominic West & Imelda Staunton
Screenplay by Stephen Volk and Nick Murphy
Directed by Nick Murphy

A woman who debunks supernatural hoaxes is called upon to investigate a ghost that allegedly haunts a boarding school.


I say ghosts are just
what you need to keep a school
full of brats in line.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Awakening is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1687901/?ref_=fn_al_tt_5