Haiku Review: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Clark Duke, Donald Faison, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo & Jim Carrey
Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass and Hit Girl join forces with other citizens dressed as superheroes to stop the vengeance-fueled rampage of Red Mist.


Jim Carrey in a
mask: now much creepier than
when he was The Mask.

Grade: C+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Kick-Ass 2 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650554/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

Haiku Review: Fruitvale Station (2013)

Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Melonie Diaz, Octavia Spencer, Kevin Durand & Chad Michael Murray
Written & directed by Ryan Coogler

Based on a true story, this film follows the last day in the life of Oscar Grant, a young African-American who, in 2008, was shot in the back by a white police officer while being detained in handcuffs at the Fruitvale BART station in Oakland, California.


It’s the racist cops
in America that keep
this cesspool classy.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Fruitvale Station is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2334649/

Haiku Review: You’re Next (2013)

Starring: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen & Joe Swanberg
Written by Simon Barrett
Directed by Adam Wingard

A wealthy but dysfunctional family finds itself under attack from a trio of masked killers.


Once you have sex next
to your dead mom, it’s hard to
go back to normal.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
You’re Next is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/?ref_=hm_inth_t3

Haiku Review: The Conjuring (2013)

Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Lili Taylor & Ron Livingston
Written by Chad Hayes & Carey W. Hayes
Directed by James Wan

Based on the true story of Ed and Lorraine Warren, paranormal investigators who, in 1971, helped a family that was being terrorized by a demonic presence shortly after moving into a new home.


Prepare yourself for
the scariest film ever
made about clapping.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Conjuring is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1457767/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: The Purge (2013)

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey & Rhys Wakefield
Written and directed by James DeMonaco

A security expert and his family are held under siege during the Annual Purge, a 12-hour period when all crime–including murder–is legal.


You mean the king of
security’s never heard
of a panic room?

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Purge is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2184339/

Haiku Review: Snitch (2013)

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper, Jon Bernthal, Michael K. Williams, Melina Kanakaredes, Benjamin Bratt & Susan Sarandon
Written by Justin Haythe and Ric Roman Waugh
Directed by Ric Roman Waugh

When a man’s son is arrested for narcotics possession, he makes a deal to infiltrate a local drug ring to reduce his son’s sentence, but soon finds himself in over his head with a Mexican cartel.


Can you smell what The
Rock is cooking? I’m worried
that it might be meth.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Snitch is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0882977/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: Side Effects (2013)

Starring: Jude Law, Rooney Mara, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Channing Tatum & Ann Dowd
Written by Scott Z. Burns
Directed by Steven Soderbergh

When a psychiatrist prescribes an experimental drug to a young woman suffering from terrifying anxiety, the side effects have deadly consequences.


No drug can fight the
depression that will come if
Soderbergh retires.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Side Effects is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2053463/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Room 237 (2013)

Directed by Rodney Ascher

This documentary explores numerous conspiracy theories about the hidden meanings that Stanley Kubrick supposedly buried in his 1980 film The Shining.


All work and no play
makes Jack dream up some crazy,
whacked-out ideas.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Room 237 is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2085910/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Benedict Cumberbatch, Anton Yelchin, Bruce Greenwood, Peter Weller & Alice Eve
Written by Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman & Damon Lindelof
Directed by J.J. Abrams

The crew of the Enterprise is sent on a rogue mission to capture a terrorist responsible for attacks against Starfleet.


Cumberbatch strikes fear
across galaxies without
sporting a mullet.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Star Trek: Into Darkness opens in theaters nationwide tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408101/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Texas Chainsaw (2013)

Starring: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine “Trey Songz” Neverson & Tania Raymonde
Screenplay by Adam Marcus & Debra Sullivan and Kristen Elms
Directed by John Luessenhop

A young woman inherits a Texas farmhouse where she discovers her connection to a chainsaw-wielding murderer.


You’re not supposed to
“like” the psychopath, just how
he butchers assholes.

Grade: C-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Texas Chainsaw is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1572315/?ref_=sr_1