Haiku Review: The Conjuring (2013)

Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Lili Taylor & Ron Livingston
Written by Chad Hayes & Carey W. Hayes
Directed by James Wan

Based on the true story of Ed and Lorraine Warren, paranormal investigators who, in 1971, helped a family that was being terrorized by a demonic presence shortly after moving into a new home.


Prepare yourself for
the scariest film ever
made about clapping.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Conjuring is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1457767/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Evil Dead (2013)

Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas & Elizabeth Blackmore
Screenplay by Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues
Directed by Fede Alvarez

Five friends staying at a remote cabin in the woods unwittingly unleash a demonic presence that consumes them one by one.


Joss owns cabin flicks
now, but this groovy remake
gives you some sugar.

Grade: B+


c2103
By Daniel J. Hoag
Evil Dead is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288558/

Haiku Review: Sinister (2012)

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance & Fred Dalton Thompson
Written by Scott Derrickson & C. Robert Cargill
Directed by Scott Derrickson

A true crime author moves into the home where a young girl disappeared after her family was murdered and begins an investigation that uncovers a terrifying truth.


Ethan Hawke gets scared
by pagan snuff films, lack of
career momentum.

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Sinister is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 2/19/13.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1922777/?ref_=sr_1

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Starring: Katie Featherston, Kathryn Newton, Stephen Dunham, Matt Shively & Alexondra Lee
Screenplay by Christopher Landon
Directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman

A teenager finds her family threatened by the demonic ties of new neighbors.


With product placement
forethought, this demon haunts with
an XBox Kinect.

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Paranormal Activity 4 is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 1/29/13.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2109184/?ref_=sr_1

(Blu) Haiku Review: The Possession (2012)

Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Kyra Sedgwick, Natasha Calis, Madison Davenport, Jay Brazeau & Matisyahu
Written by Juliet Snowden & Stiles White
Directed by Ole Bornedal

A young girl becomes possessed by a malevolent spirit – known in Judaism as a dybbuk – after purchasing a mysterious box that imprisoned it.


Oy vey! This dybbuk
should skip meshuga clichés,
find a nice doctor.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Possession is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 1/15/13.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0431021/

Haiku Review: Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

Starring: Adelaide Clemens, Sean Bean, Kit Harington, Carrie-Anne Moss & Malcolm McDowell
Written and directed by Michael J. Bassett

When her father is kidnapped, a teenager must confront the truth about her past and journey to the nightmarish town of Silent Hill to rescue him.


Grotesque creatures scare,
but you’ll run screaming from the
acting, dialogue.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Silent Hill: Revelation is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0938330/

Haiku Review: V/H/S (2012)

Starring: Calvin Reeder, Joe Sykes & Jas Sams
Directed by: Radio Silence, David Bruckner, Glenn McQuaid, Joe Swanberg, Ti West & Adam Wingard

A group of criminals break into a house to steal a VHS tape that allegedly has something valuable on it and discover a collection of tapes that each contains different horrific footage.


Like an old cassette,
the quality of these films
fluctuates wildly.

Grade: B-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
V/H/S opens in select cities on 10/5/12.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2105044/
TCFF 12-12

Haiku Review: Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

Starring: Lauren Bittner & Chris Smith
Written by Christopher B. Landon
Directed by Henry Joost & Ariel Schulman

In 1988, a man attempts to videotape the ghostly entity that’s haunting his family.


The night cams still spook,
but this schtick and its story
are stretched pretty thin.

Grade: B-


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Paranormal Activity 3 is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1778304/

(Blu) Haiku Review: Season of the Witch (2011)

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy & Christopher Lee
Written by Bragi Schut
Directed by Dominic Sena

Two disgraced crusaders must transport a woman accused of being a witch to a distant monastery, a quest that finds them facing a terrifying evil.


The blackest arts could
not conjure up worse evil
than too much Nic Cage.

Grade: D+


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Season of the Witch is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/28/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479997/

(Blu) Haiku Review: The Rite (2011)

Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Colin O’Donoghue, Alice Braga, Ciarán Hinds, Rutger Hauer & Toby Jones
Written by Michael Petroni
Directed by Mikael Hafström

A skeptical seminary student sent to study exorcism at the Vatican sees terrifying things when he is mentored by an experienced priest.


Your head will spin ’round
possessed by boredom, hellbent
on something less dull.

Grade: C


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Rite is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 5/17/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1161864/