Archive for June, 2013


hansel and gretelStarring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Peter Stormare & Derek Mears
Written and directed by Tommy Wirkola

Fairy tale siblings Hansel and Gretel grow up to hunt witches.


This tooth-rotting house
is made of stale candy corn,
sh!tty dialogue.

Grade: D


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1428538/?ref_=sr_1

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snitchStarring: Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper, Jon Bernthal, Michael K. Williams, Melina Kanakaredes, Benjamin Bratt & Susan Sarandon
Written by Justin Haythe and Ric Roman Waugh
Directed by Ric Roman Waugh

When a man’s son is arrested for narcotics possession, he makes a deal to infiltrate a local drug ring to reduce his son’s sentence, but soon finds himself in over his head with a Mexican cartel.


Can you smell what The
Rock is cooking? I’m worried
that it might be meth.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Snitch is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0882977/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

side fxStarring: Jude Law, Rooney Mara, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Channing Tatum & Ann Dowd
Written by Scott Z. Burns
Directed by Steven Soderbergh

When a psychiatrist prescribes an experimental drug to a young woman suffering from terrifying anxiety, the side effects have deadly consequences.


No drug can fight the
depression that will come if
Soderbergh retires.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Side Effects is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2053463/?ref_=sr_1

wwzStarring: Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, Daniella Kertesz & James Badge Dale
Written by Matthew Michael Carnahan and Drew Goddard & Damon Lindelof
Directed by Marc Forster

A United Nations employee traverses the globe investigating a zombie pandemic that is threatening to bring about the extinction of humanity.


Hey, that zombie book
you love has been turned into
a movie title!

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
World War Z is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0816711/?ref_=sr_1

monsters UStarring: Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Helen Mirren, Sean Hayes, Dave Foley, Charlie Day, Alfred Molina, Nathan Fillion & Aubrey Plaza
Written by Robert L. Baird & Daniel Gerson & Dan Scanlon
Directed by Dan Scanlon

Before they were the greatest team at Monsters Inc., Mike and Sully were college rivals looking to prove which one of them was better at scaring.


See, kids: Pixar says
you DON’T need to finish school
to follow your dreams!

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Monsters University is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1453405/?ref_=sr_1

this is the endStarring: Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, Danny McBride, Michael Cera & Emma Watson
Written & directed by Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg

Hollywood celebrities attempt to survive the apocalypse by barricading themselves inside actor James Franco’s house.


Whoa, Catholic school failed
to mention the whole getting-
raped-by-demons thing.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
This Is the End is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1245492/?ref_=sr_1

mamaStarring: Jessica Chastain & Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
Screenplay by Neil Cross and Andy Muschietti & Barbara Muschietti
Directed by Andy Muschietti

When two young girls are taken in by their uncle and his girlfriend after living alone in the woods for several years, a haunting, maternal presence follows them to their new home.


Hey, for a little
extra free time, I’d let a
ghost watch my children.

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Mama is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2023587/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1