Archive for June, 2011

Starring: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Michael Sheen, Marion Cotillard, Kathy Bates & Adrian Brody
Written & directed by Woody Allen

A writer on vacation in Paris finds himself transported every midnight to the 1920s and finds inspirtation among the likes of F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Cole Porter and Gertrude Stein.

Nostalgic Woody,
every bit the artistic
genius himself, charms.

Grade: A-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Midnight in Paris is now playing in theaters nationwide.

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy & Christopher Lee
Written by Bragi Schut
Directed by Dominic Sena

Two disgraced crusaders must transport a woman accused of being a witch to a distant monastery, a quest that finds them facing a terrifying evil.

The blackest arts could
not conjure up worse evil
than too much Nic Cage.

Grade: D+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Season of the Witch is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/28/11.

Haiku Review: Cars 2 (2011)

Starring: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy, Michael Caine & Emily Mortimer
Screenplay by Ben Queen
Directed by John Lasseter & Brad Lewis

Lightning McQueen takes the gang overseas for the World Grand Prix and his best friend Mater gets caught up in some international espionage.

amazing animation
keep Pixar revving.

Grade: B+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Cars 2 opens in theaters nationwide this Friday.

Starring: Channing Tatum, Jamie Bell, Donald Sutherland & Mark Strong
Screenplay by Jeremy Brock
Directed by Kevin Macdonald

A Roman soldier goes in search of the golden emblem that was lost by his father’s legion twenty years earlier.

Does Channing Tatum
watch this and think, “I scalded
my penis for this?”*

Grade: B-

By Daniel J. Hoag
The Eagle is available on Blu-ray and DVD on tomorrow.

Starring: Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones, Aidan Quinn & Frank Langella
Screenplay by Oliver Butcher & Stephen Cornwell
Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra

After a traffic accident while in Berlin for a biotechnology summit, a man awakens from a coma to find that his wife doesn’t acknowledge him and someone else has taken over his identity.

It’s just another
amnesia thriller you are
likely to forget.

Grade: C

By Daniel J. Hoag
Unknown is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/21/11.

Haiku Review: Super 8 (2011)

Starring: Joel Courtney, Kyle Chandler, Elle Fanning & Riley Griffiths
Written and directed by J.J. Abrams

In 1979, a group of kids filming a movie capture a train wreck on their Super 8 camera, and the footage reveals the truth behind the strange events that begin to happen around town.

Abrams, Spielberg get
nostalgic, capture on film
an instant classic.

Grade: A-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Super 8 is now playing in theaters nationwide.

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez & Bridget Moynahan
Written by Chris Bertolini
Directed by Jonathan Liebesman

A platoon of Marines battle a hostile alien invasion.

E.T.s take L.A.,
find only worn clich├ęs and
Private Ryan theft.

Grade: C

By Daniel J. Hoag
Battle: Los Angeles is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.

Starring: Ray Stevenson, Vincent D’Onofrio, Val Kilmer, Christopher Walken & Linda Cardellini
Screenplay by Jonathan Hensleigh and Jeremy Walters
Directed by Jonathan Hensleigh

Based on the true story of Irish mobster Danny Greene, who, in the 1970s, waged a turf war in Cleveland against the Cosa Nostra, and survived countless assassination attempts to become known as the one man the mafia couldn’t kill.

The fighting Irish:
better than a couple years
of The Sopranos.

Grade: B

By Daniel J. Hoag
Kill the Irishman is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/14/11.

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Billy Burke, Julie Christie & Virginia Madsen
Written by David Leslie Johnson
Directed by Catherine Hardwicke

In a medieval village beseiged by a werewolf, a young woman is caught between the man she loves and the man she is arranged to marry.

Twilight dressed in Red.
Even the wolf might struggle
with swallowing this.

Grade: D+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Red Riding Hood is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/14/11.

Starring: Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Jenna Fischer, Richard Jenkins & Christina Applegate
Screenplay by Pete Jones & Peter Farrelly & Kevin Barnett & Bobby Farrelly
Directed by Peter Farrelly & Bobby Farrelly

Two restless married men are given a “hall pass” by their wives: one week of freedom to do whatever they want, no questions asked.

This is your hall pass:
A haiku that gets you out
of seeing this crap.

Grade: D

By Daniel J. Hoag
Hall Pass is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 6/14/11.