Haiku Review: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Clark Duke, Donald Faison, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo & Jim Carrey
Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass and Hit Girl join forces with other citizens dressed as superheroes to stop the vengeance-fueled rampage of Red Mist.


Jim Carrey in a
mask: now much creepier than
when he was The Mask.

Grade: C+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Kick-Ass 2 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650554/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

Haiku Review: Captain Phillips (2013)

Starring: Tom Hanks, Barkhad Abdi & Catherine Keener
Written by Billy Ray
Directed by Paul Greengrass

The true story of the hijacking of an American cargo ship by Somali pirates in 2009.


Finally a film
about pirates that doesn’t
involve Johnny Depp.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Captain Phillips is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1535109/?ref_=nv_sr_5

Haiku Review: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Eccleston, Zachary Levi, Ray Stevenson, Idris Elba, Rene Russo, Kat Dennings & Stellan Skarsgård
Written by Christopher L. Yost, Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely
Directed by Alan Taylor

Thor must rely on his dangerous and untrustworthy brother, Loki, to help stop an evil Dark Elf from destroying the universe.


Since when does Asgard
look like Rivendell and fight
Dark Elves? #wheresgollum

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Thor: The Dark World is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1981115/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: 12 Years a Slave (2013)

Starring: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender, Lupita Nyong’o, Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Dano, Sarah Paulson, Brad Pitt & Paul Giamatti
Written by John Ridley
Directed by Steve McQueen

Based on the true story of Solomon Northup, a free black man from New York in pre-Civil War America, who was kidnapped and sold into slavery, which led to twelve long years of brutality and hardship.


Germany is not
the only country with a
shameful history.

Grade: A


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
12 Years a Slave is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2024544/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: Man of Steel (2013)

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne & Russell Crowe
Screenplay by David S. Goyer
Directed by Zack Snyder

A young man with extraordinary powers must confront his extraterrestrial heritage when Earth is threatened by criminals from his home planet.


Look, up on the screen!
It’s a bird! A plane! No, wait–
it’s a turd in tights!

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Man of Steel is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Haiku Review: Fruitvale Station (2013)

Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Melonie Diaz, Octavia Spencer, Kevin Durand & Chad Michael Murray
Written & directed by Ryan Coogler

Based on a true story, this film follows the last day in the life of Oscar Grant, a young African-American who, in 2008, was shot in the back by a white police officer while being detained in handcuffs at the Fruitvale BART station in Oakland, California.


It’s the racist cops
in America that keep
this cesspool classy.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Fruitvale Station is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2334649/

Haiku Review: You’re Next (2013)

Starring: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen & Joe Swanberg
Written by Simon Barrett
Directed by Adam Wingard

A wealthy but dysfunctional family finds itself under attack from a trio of masked killers.


Once you have sex next
to your dead mom, it’s hard to
go back to normal.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
You’re Next is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/?ref_=hm_inth_t3

Haiku Review: RED 2 (2013)

Starring: Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Mary-Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, Anthony Hopkins & Catherine Zeta-Jones
Written by Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber
Directed by Dean Parisot

A team of retired CIA operatives must track down a weapon of mass destruction that’s been hidden for decades.


Keep giving Helen
Mirren guns and camouflage,
I’ll keep paying you.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
RED 2 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1821694/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: The East (2013)

Starring: Brit Marling, Alexander Skarsgård, Ellen Page, Patricia Clarkson, Jason Ritter & Julia Ormond
Written by Zal Batmanglij & Brit Marling
Directed by Zal Batmanglij

An operative for a private security firm is sent to infiltrate an eco-terrorist group known as The East.


That True Blood guy gets
naked and people will do
anything for him.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The East is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1869716/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: The Purge (2013)

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey & Rhys Wakefield
Written and directed by James DeMonaco

A security expert and his family are held under siege during the Annual Purge, a 12-hour period when all crime–including murder–is legal.


You mean the king of
security’s never heard
of a panic room?

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Purge is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2184339/