Haiku Review: August: Osage County (2013)

Starring: Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Chris Cooper, Ewan McGregor, Margo Martindale, Sam Shepard, Dermot Mulroney, Julianne Nicholson, Juliette Lewis, Abigail Breslin & Benedict Cumberbatch
Written by Tracy Letts
Directed by John Wells

After their patriarch goes missing, a dysfunctional family reunites and finds themselves once again at odds with each other and their cancer-stricken, pill-addled mother.


A family so
messed up that incest is the
least of its problems.

Grade: B-


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
August: Osage County is playing now in theaters nationwide.
IMDb

 

Haiku Review: All Is Lost (2013)

Starring: Robert Redford
Written & directed by J.C. Chandor

After his boat’s hull is damaged by a stray shipping container, a sailor finds himself lost at sea and facing his own mortality.


It’s like Life of Pi
but without the tiger and
all that faith bullshit.

Grade: A-


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
All Is Lost is playing now in select cities.
IMDb

Haiku Review: Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Morris Chestnut, Clark Duke, Donald Faison, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo & Jim Carrey
Written and directed by Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass and Hit Girl join forces with other citizens dressed as superheroes to stop the vengeance-fueled rampage of Red Mist.


Jim Carrey in a
mask: now much creepier than
when he was The Mask.

Grade: C+


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Kick-Ass 2 is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650554/?ref_=fn_al_tt_3

Haiku Review: Carrie (2013)

Starring: Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Judy Greer & Portia Doubleday
Written by Lawrence D. Cohen & Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Directed by Kimberly Peirce

After suffering abuse at the hands of her fanatically religious mother and cruel high school bullies, a teenage girl with telekinetic powers is pushed to the point of revenge.


One of her powers
is the ability to
make you roll your eyes.

Grade: C


c2014
By Daniel J. Hoag
Carrie is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1939659/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt

Haiku Review: Captain Phillips (2013)

Starring: Tom Hanks, Barkhad Abdi & Catherine Keener
Written by Billy Ray
Directed by Paul Greengrass

The true story of the hijacking of an American cargo ship by Somali pirates in 2009.


Finally a film
about pirates that doesn’t
involve Johnny Depp.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Captain Phillips is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1535109/?ref_=nv_sr_5

Haiku Review: Dallas Buyers Club (2013)

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Jared Leto, Denis O’Hare & Steve Zahn
Written by Craig Borten & Melisa Wallack
Directed by Jean-Marc Vallée

Based on the true story of Ron Woodroof, who, in the 80s and early 90s, set up a distribution ring of experimental and non-FDA-approved medication for desperate and neglected AIDS patients after discovering that he had contracted the disease – and that conventional American treatments were corrupted by poor bureaucracy.


McConaughey is
finally the actor we
all thought he would be.

Grade: A-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Dallas Buyers Club is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790636/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt

Haiku Review: Blue Jasmine (2013)

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin, Sally Hawkins, Bobby Cannavale, Andrew Dice Clay, Louis C.K. & Peter Sarsgaard
Written & directed by Woody Allen

A New York socialite suffers a nervous breakdown and moves in with her lower-class sister after her husband is imprisoned for financial fraud and their assets are seized by the government.


Blanchett is the queen,
but you’ll just be surprised that
Dice Clay doesn’t suck.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Blue Jasmine is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2334873/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Fruitvale Station (2013)

Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Melonie Diaz, Octavia Spencer, Kevin Durand & Chad Michael Murray
Written & directed by Ryan Coogler

Based on a true story, this film follows the last day in the life of Oscar Grant, a young African-American who, in 2008, was shot in the back by a white police officer while being detained in handcuffs at the Fruitvale BART station in Oakland, California.


It’s the racist cops
in America that keep
this cesspool classy.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Fruitvale Station is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2334649/

Haiku Review: You’re Next (2013)

Starring: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen & Joe Swanberg
Written by Simon Barrett
Directed by Adam Wingard

A wealthy but dysfunctional family finds itself under attack from a trio of masked killers.


Once you have sex next
to your dead mom, it’s hard to
go back to normal.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
You’re Next is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/?ref_=hm_inth_t3

Haiku Review: RED 2 (2013)

Starring: Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Mary-Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, Anthony Hopkins & Catherine Zeta-Jones
Written by Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber
Directed by Dean Parisot

A team of retired CIA operatives must track down a weapon of mass destruction that’s been hidden for decades.


Keep giving Helen
Mirren guns and camouflage,
I’ll keep paying you.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
RED 2 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1821694/?ref_=sr_1