Haiku Review: Cosmopolis (2012)

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Juliette Binoche, Sarah Gadon, Mathieu Amalric, Jay Baruchel, Kevin Durand, Samantha Morton & Paul Giamatti
Written and directed by David Cronenberg

The life of a young billionaire begins to unravel during the course of a tumultuous trek across the city in his stretch limousine.


R-Patz proves he’s more
than a sparkley vamp – he’s
a total bore, too.

Grade: C-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Cosmopolis is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1480656/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Killing Them Softly (2012)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Scoot McNairy, Ben Mendelsohn, James Gandolfini, Richard Jenkins & Ray Liotta
Written & directed by Andrew Dominik

A mob enforcer is called in to track down three criminals who robbed an underground poker game, which disrupted the criminal economy.


Seems our corporate
mentality is hurting
Tony Soprano.

Grade: B+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Killing Them Softly is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764234/

(Blu) Haiku Review: The Double (2011)

Starring: Richard Gere, Topher Grace, Stephen Moyer, Odette Yustman & Martin Sheen
Written by Michael Brandt & Derek Haas
Directed by Michael Brandt

After a U.S. Senator is murdered, a retired CIA operative teams up with a young FBI agent to hunt down a Soviet assassin who was long thought to be dead.


Cold War-era spies
return in a film that’s as
fresh as the Cold War.

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Double is available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1646980/

Haiku Review: Looper (2012)

Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Paul Dano & Jeff Daniels
Written and directed by Rian Johnson

In the future, when the mob kills people by sending them back in time where a hired gun awaits, one assassin is shocked to find his next target is a 30-year-older version of himself.


Such horror to learn
that you’ll grow up to be a
coot like Bruce Willis!

Grade: A-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Looper is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1276104/

Haiku Review: The Bourne Legacy (2012)

Starring: Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, Edward Norton & Stacy Keach
Screenplay by Tony Gilroy & Dan Gilroy
Directed by Tony Gilroy

A chemically-enhanced special operative goes rogue after his government attempts to eradicate all traces of the black ops program that controlled him.


I’m pretty sure Bourne’s
true legacy would involve
a lot more punching.

Grade: B


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Bourne Legacy is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194173/

Haiku Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Starring: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead & Rufus Sewell
Screenplay by Seth Grahame-Smith
Directed by Timur Bekmambetov

After his mother is murdered by a vampire, Abraham Lincoln learns how to hunt them.


A one-joke premise
stretched four score, seven years long
Abe‘s a slave to style

Grade: C


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is now playing in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1611224/

(Blu) Haiku Review: The Three Musketeers (2011)

Starring: Logan Lerman, Milla Jovovich, Orlando Bloom, Christoph Waltz, Matthew MacFadyen, Luke Evans & Ray Stevenson
Screenplay by Alex Litvak and Andrew Davies
Directed by Paul W. S. Anderson

D’Artagnan and the three Musketeers try to stop a deadly conspiracy involving Cardinal Richelieu, the assassin Milday, and the Duke of Buckingham.


It’s all for one, but
one may be for eye-gouging
after watching this.

Grade: C-


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Three Musketeers is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 3/13/12.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1509767/

(Blu) Haiku Review: Johnny English Reborn (2011)

Starring: Rowan Atkinson, Gillian Anderson, Dominic West & Rosamund Pike
Screenplay by Hamish McColl
Directed by Oliver Parker

Bumbling spy Johnny English returns to stop the assassination of the Chinese premier.


For Anglophiles, Bean
fans, Scully lovers, and dorks.
Yup. I am all four.

Grade: B


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Johnny English Reborn is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 2/28/12.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1634122/

Haiku Review: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011)

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Noomi Rapace, Rachel McAdams, Jared Harris & Stephen Fry
Written by Michele Mulroney & Kieran Mulroney
Directed by Guy Ritchie

Sherlock Holmes and his partner Watson square off against criminal mastermind Professor Moriarty.


Again, Sherlock has
no mystery and more lame
disguises than Fletch.

Grade: C+


c2012
By Daniel J. Hoag
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1515091/

(Blu) Haiku Review: Colombiana (2011)

Starring: Zoe Saldana, Lennie James, Michael Vartan & Cliff Curtis
Written by Luc Besson & Robert Mark Kamen
Directed by Olivier Megaton

After witnessing her parents death at the hands of a brutal gangster, a young woman grows up to become an assassin in order to get violent revenge.


A catsuit does not
a convincing assassin
make, Ms. Saldana.

Grade: C


c2011
By Daniel J. Hoag
Colombiana is available on Blu-ray and DVD on 12/20/11.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1657507/