Archive for September, 2012

Haiku Review: Looper (2012)

Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Paul Dano & Jeff Daniels
Written and directed by Rian Johnson

In the future, when the mob kills people by sending them back in time where a hired gun awaits, one assassin is shocked to find his next target is a 30-year-older version of himself.

Such horror to learn
that you’ll grow up to be a
coot like Bruce Willis!

Grade: A-

By Daniel J. Hoag
Looper is now playing in theaters nationwide.

Along with death and taxes, another certainty in life seems to be that as Halloween draws near, there will be at least one horror film franchise that spawns its umpteenth sequel. This season, it’s the Resident Evil brand that returns from the grave (see also: the upcoming Paranormal Activity 4) with the fifth installment in the mutant zombie apocalypse series. So it seems only natural that The Haiku Review should take look back at the videogame-inspired films and mutate a few syllables into something that resembles criticsm. Continue reading

Haiku Review: The Master (2012)

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams & Laura Dern
Written & directed by Paul Thomas Anderson

A disturbed, alcoholic World War II veteran is taken under the wing of a charismatic cult leader.

Anderson’s the real
master, but Phoenix deserves
a cult of his own.

Grade: A

By Daniel J. Hoag
The Master is now playing in theaters nationwide.

Starring: Kodi Smit-McPhee, Anna Kendrick, Casey Affleck, Christopher Mintz-Plasse & John Goodman
Written by Chris Butler
Directed by Chris Butler & Sam Fell

A bullied kid who can speak to dead people must stop a witch’s curse after it raises zombies from the grave.

I want all grown-up
movies to have zombies, so
why not kids’ ones, too.

Grade: B

By Daniel J. Hoag
ParaNorman is playing in theaters nationwide.

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost & Toby Jones
Screenplay by Evan Daugherty and John Lee Hancock and Hossein Amini
Directed by Rupert Sanders

When a princess escapes the clutches of an evil queen, a hunter is dispatched to retrieve her.

Stewart’s the rotten
core that helps make this shiny
apple taste so bad.

Grade: C+

By Daniel J. Hoag
Snow White and the Huntsman is available on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow.