Haiku Review: The Great Gatsby (2013)

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton, Elizabeth Debicki, Isla Fisher & Jason Clarke
Written by Baz Luhrmann & Craig Pearce
Directed by Baz Luhrmann

A mysterious millionaire seeks to rekindle a romance with the woman he loves, even though she is now married to another man.


Luhrmann wouldn’t know
subtlety if Daisy mowed
it down with his car.

Grade: C+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Great Gatsby is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1343092/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Room 237 (2013)

Directed by Rodney Ascher

This documentary explores numerous conspiracy theories about the hidden meanings that Stanley Kubrick supposedly buried in his 1980 film The Shining.


All work and no play
makes Jack dream up some crazy,
whacked-out ideas.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Room 237 is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2085910/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Benedict Cumberbatch, Anton Yelchin, Bruce Greenwood, Peter Weller & Alice Eve
Written by Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman & Damon Lindelof
Directed by J.J. Abrams

The crew of the Enterprise is sent on a rogue mission to capture a terrorist responsible for attacks against Starfleet.


Cumberbatch strikes fear
across galaxies without
sporting a mullet.

Grade: B


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Star Trek: Into Darkness opens in theaters nationwide tomorrow.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408101/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Texas Chainsaw (2013)

Starring: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine “Trey Songz” Neverson & Tania Raymonde
Screenplay by Adam Marcus & Debra Sullivan and Kristen Elms
Directed by John Luessenhop

A young woman inherits a Texas farmhouse where she discovers her connection to a chainsaw-wielding murderer.


You’re not supposed to
“like” the psychopath, just how
he butchers assholes.

Grade: C-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Texas Chainsaw is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1572315/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Rebecca Hall, Jon Favreau & Ben Kingsley
Written by Drew Pearce & Shane Black
Directed by Shane Black

Tony Stark dons his metal suit to battle a terrorist called The Mandarin.


We get it, Gwyneth.
You have really nice abs. Please
put a shirt back on.

Grade: B+


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Iron Man 3 is playing now in theaters nationwide.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1300854/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Haiku Review: The Place Beyond the Pines (2013)

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes, Ben Mendelsohn, Bradley Cooper, Rose Byrne, Bruce Greenwood & Ray Liotta
Written by Derek Cianfrance, Ben Coccio & Darius Marder
Directed by Derek Cianfrance

When the lives of a motorcycle stunt rider and a rookie cop collide, their children suffer the devastating effects.


The film opens on
Gosling’s abs and then just goes
downhill from then on.

Grade: B-


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
The Place Beyond the Pines is playing now in select cities.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1817273/?ref_=sr_1

Haiku Review: Jack Reacher (2012)

Starring: Tom Cruise, Rosamund Pike, Richard Jenkins, Werner Herzog, David Oyelowo, Robert Duvall, Jai Courtney & Michael Raymond-James
Written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie

An ex-military investigator is called in to uncover the truth behind a sniper shooting.


As the six-foot-five
brute of the books, Cruise comes up
(literally) short.

Grade: C


c2013
By Daniel J. Hoag
Jack Reacher is now available on Blu-ray and DVD.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790724/?ref_=sr_1